oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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