Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
