Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
