They should really pass out barf bags in church
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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