SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
