Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
