Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
