She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
