I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
