I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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