if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
