I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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