Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
