don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
