Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
