I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
