Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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