i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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