You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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