i don't like sucking hair
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
