Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I touched a dick in church today
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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