I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
