Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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