feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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