I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
