you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
