That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
