Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
