"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
