I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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