We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
