About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
