Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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