i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
