anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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