He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
