dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
