This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
