It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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