Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
