6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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