Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is Oprah even human
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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