idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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