It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
