They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
