I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
