Don't make out with my wife yet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
