We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
