Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
