There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
