im drinking this country out of the recession.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
