I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
