I puked a lego.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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