I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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