Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
