You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
