I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
