Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
