Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
