I think my fart just growled at me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
