ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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