all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
