Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
